A Villanelle on Slavery
This was written in response to Shawna's writing prompt to use any of the following words in an original poem: blazon, senescent, rust, ticklish, savage, caracol, potpourri, kiwi, cure, eclipse
and following Shawna's prompting, I'm linking to a site for poets-- dverse . It's OpenLink Night!
A Villanelle on Slavery
Her eyes "for hire" emblazoned too
desperate (the cure eclipsed by need
for bread, clean water, a place to
sleep) no time to heal, beg virtue,
for the rusted caracol leads
her eyes "for hire" emblazoned too
tired with hasty senescence. And who
knows the dreams her resolve bleeds
for bread, clean water, a place to
sleep? The savage vanquishes true
desire; he lords, forcing with greed
her eyes-- "for hire" emblazoned-- too
sick with musky potpourri rue.
Ticklish avarice, soul levied
for bread, clean water, a place to
be. Denied dignity, jobs hew
her beauty; sordid might muddied
her eyes "for hire" emblazoned, too,
for bread, clean water, a place to. . .
and following Shawna's prompting, I'm linking to a site for poets-- dverse . It's OpenLink Night!
A Villanelle on Slavery
for Kiwi
Her eyes "for hire" emblazoned too
desperate (the cure eclipsed by need
for bread, clean water, a place to
sleep) no time to heal, beg virtue,
for the rusted caracol leads
her eyes "for hire" emblazoned too
tired with hasty senescence. And who
knows the dreams her resolve bleeds
for bread, clean water, a place to
sleep? The savage vanquishes true
desire; he lords, forcing with greed
her eyes-- "for hire" emblazoned-- too
sick with musky potpourri rue.
Ticklish avarice, soul levied
for bread, clean water, a place to
be. Denied dignity, jobs hew
her beauty; sordid might muddied
her eyes "for hire" emblazoned, too,
for bread, clean water, a place to. . .
A little bummed, I just realized it's in quatrains, instead of tercets. . .oh, well.
ReplyDeleteThose were challenging words... great job here!
ReplyDeletehttp://lkkolp.wordpress.com/2012/01/24/im-yours/
Thanks, Laurie!
Deletei would not be too bummed this came out well....you did very good for the list...which was quite challenging...
ReplyDeleteIt was a challenging list, wasn't it? I think that's why I chose the strict form (that I didn't follow correctly. . . :( to help me reign in the words.
DeleteDid you read Brian's? He left it in the comments section of either the Monday Melting Week 3 post or in the comments for my poem. Also, you have to read Reggie's. I just posted it on my blog, and it is SO good!!!
DeleteNo, I missed Brian's I think. I'll go check it out. I did comment on Reggie's this afternoon.
DeleteOh my gosh, this is incredible. I can't believe you were brave enough for a villanelle. Of course, I'm not really surprised because you like a challenge. The repetition pounded home the weight of her heavy eyes and lost soul. You made me feel her need and sacrifice with every line.
ReplyDeleteThese are my favorites:
"cure eclipsed"
"rusted caracol"
"hasty senescence"
"musky potpourri rue"
"Ticklish avarice"
"sordid might muddied her eyes"
This says more than all the rest: "And who knows the dreams her resolve bleeds for bread, clean water, a place to sleep?"
And OH that ellipsis ... What a perfect ending.
Excellent variance in your repetitive lines. You were so creative with this! Brilliant job, Ginny. Keep it up.
You need to link this up for today's Open Link Night at dversepoets.com.
Wow, Shawna. Thank you for such a close reading and kind words. . and for the prompt(ing).
ReplyDeletethink.. Her eyes "for hire" ... hit me most ...good job and the villanelle repetitions make it even more impressive and haunting.. a sad and serious topic well approached
ReplyDeleteThanks, Claudia--that was my favorite phrase. And I think you're exactly right the villanelle lends itself to haunting.
DeleteThe repetition is very effective in this echoing the struggle of her situation.
ReplyDeleteI liked "ticklish avarice" -- nice use of the word.
My favorite line: "who knows the dreams her resolve bleeds."
I am impressed!
Yes, I had to put "bleeds" in for Shawna even though it wasn't on the list. And thank you for your thoughtful reading and kind praise.
DeleteThank you! I stole it from Natasha Head. She always says it, and I've picked it up now.
DeleteP.S. I LOVE Sheryl Crow. :)
Another "Ginny," am so glad to discover your writing here. Amazing imagery and poignant topic taken on. I love villanelles, but was so lost in the the wonderfully placed wording that I hardly noticed the format. Really well penned, poet!
ReplyDeleteThat's funny--I thought the same when I saw another "Ginny" too! Your words are gracious. Glad you're here!
DeleteVery nice write on a subject that in it's sadness holds much poetic discussion.
ReplyDeletehttp://charleslmashburn.wordpress.com/2012/01/22/night-rules/
Thank you. . .the subject's been on my heart lately.
Deletewonderful - I love how the last line is left open ended. Very creative.
ReplyDeleteThanks for reading, Sheila! Appreciate your comment.
DeleteGinny, at dversepoets.com, there will be a prompt given tomorrow and also on Saturday. Both will be posted at 2:00 in the afternoon. Whenever you get a chance, you should check out the prompts. There are several prompt/link-up web sites I can let you know about, if you're interested.
ReplyDeleteThis looks like your kind of challenge:
ReplyDeletehttp://dversepoets.com/2012/01/26/formforall-french-ballades-i/#comments
It looks like you've fallen off the blogging bandwagon. But if you get back on, I posted a new prompt today and would love to see you write a poem.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
DeleteNot fallen off completely. Just stopping for some water and a good meal or two.
ReplyDeleteYou really took the word list and made it shine with your verse, must have been a bit tricky with those words, but great job!
ReplyDeleteA tough subject and you really brought the pint home.
ReplyDeletewriting prompts with words are so fun....you did a really good job Ginny, your creativity with your word play shines in this!! :)
ReplyDeleteI like to take a known form and do a little creative licensing if that is what is needed to convey the story/thought across. I think the villanelle works well here as quatrains. You did an excellent job with the prompt words and created a wonderful write.
ReplyDeleteLoved her eyes "for hire" That set the scene for the entire piece. Truly enjoyed.
ReplyDelete