Time to Make Some Changes

Day 5 of being in bed with Influenza Type A:

"Hurry always empties a soul."  (one thousand gifts p. 67) 

I told a friend last week that I needed a break.  Funny how you have to be careful what you wish for.  We spent the week in Alabama visiting my parents and had a really good visit, except D became sick with what I thought was just fever and a runny nose.  That is, until it hit me.  I don't remember ever feeling this bad for so long.  Once again, I've had a lesson in empathy.  When I lost my voice last year for six weeks, I got a taste of how challenging it is for D to not be able to communicate.  When I hurt my leg and had to be wheeled around in a wheelchair at the Christmas in the Oaks Run this Christmas, I got a small taste of how it feels to be at the mercy of who is pushing the chair and to not be able to see over the heads of the crowd.  And now, I see that when D squints his eyes, crinkles his forehead, and rubs his head, it is because his head hurts something awful and won't stop.

Lesson One:  Take Time to Be Empathetic 

And since I've not done much in the past few days, but think and pray and sleep I've realized some other things that I need to do around here. . .

Lesson Two:  Make More Time.  

Be fully present.  The only way to make more time in a day is to be fully present in the time I have.  Paying attention slows time.  Giving thanks makes time full.

The morning sunburst from the Waterford biscuit jar my grandmother gave me (and each of her granddaughters) as a wedding present (one thousand gift #42) and thanks to Downton Abbey I know how the biscuit jars were meant to be used and should probably move it from my dining room to my bedside table.

Lesson Three:  Time for Change in Household Management

Instead of saying, I can't do anything about it or just showing the younger boys how to avoid it, I am admitting that D has behaviors that are disruptive to the family and harmful to his siblings.  I make excuses for D and teach Knox and Ben how to cope.  But instead of throwing up my hands and saying that pinching, pulling hair, and pulling on shirt collars is just something he does when frustrated or that all siblings fight and this is just D's way of doing it, I am taking out the old Steps to Independence:  Teaching Everyday Skills to Children with Special Needs and creating a behavior management plan.  Enough is enough.  I should be able to take a shower without having to lock the younger siblings in their room for protection from their older brother.  So here goes. . .

First, I have to identify using the ABC approach:  

A-antecedent what occurs before the behavior--what triggers it  

B-specify behavior and 

C-what are the typical consequences of that behavior.  

Second, I take a "before" measure.  How often does he hurt his brothers? 

Third, initiate the program:

1.  Remove positive consequences from the problem behavior

2.  Provide positive consequences for an alternative behavior.

3.  Change antecedents.

4.  Continue to measure the behavior.

Lesson Four:  Quiet Time Needs Priority

If I am going to follow Lesson Three, then I must have Lesson Four.  The only way for me to have the energy, patience, and perseverance to carry out a behavior management plan is to spend time alone with the source of my strength and the reason for my hope:  Jesus Christ.  

Psalm 32:7 "You are a hiding place for me, you preserve me from trouble, you surround me with shouts of deliverance."