Birthday Boy
You Won't Help Shoots Grow by Pulling Them Up Higher. --Chinese proverb
A fitting quotation from my daily calendar for April 23, 2012, my eldest son's 15th birthday. It's been a great few days. Two medals at ROTC awards banquet, (one thousand gifts 100: the look on D's face as he brought back each medal to me. The thrill of applause enlivening his eyes, the joy smeared all over his face as he received recognition from peers and mentors, and the pride as he extended the medal toward me as he walked between tables to return to ours) lots of good pictures from the event, lots of sweet Facebook birthday wishes for D today, cards and gifts from family all arriving in time, a brother's Tball game, and birthday serenades on the phone. . .what more could a guy, or his mom want.
But (is there always a "but" with me?) at the T-ball field, a great-grandfather of his youngest brother's teammate said, "Fifteen years old? Uh-oh that means you are going to be driving next year."
D processed that thought. And I said nothing, hoping to discourage further conversation along that line with my silence. It didn't work; the man persisted. D was eating it up. So finally we left the bleachers; I made a phone call to distract D, but it was too late. I saw his eyes as the man was talking. He will remember this conversation next birthday and wonder why I am not letting him have the keys. That's how D's mind works.
I am usually depressed for a week or so before D's birthday. It didn't happen this year with Disney trip, good doctor report, and all-around harmony at home. But today, even with all the wonderful things that have happened and are happening, even with all the good thoughts infiltrating my mind, I can't help but think: 15 years old, but he won't be getting his learner's permit. Am I just so used to sadness around this time, that I have to find something to fret over? I mean if we lived in Boston, it wouldn't matter at all. I didn't have a car and didn't miss it while I was a student there.
Get over it, Ginny. Let yourself be completely happy for ONE DAY!!!!
A fitting quotation from my daily calendar for April 23, 2012, my eldest son's 15th birthday. It's been a great few days. Two medals at ROTC awards banquet, (one thousand gifts 100: the look on D's face as he brought back each medal to me. The thrill of applause enlivening his eyes, the joy smeared all over his face as he received recognition from peers and mentors, and the pride as he extended the medal toward me as he walked between tables to return to ours) lots of good pictures from the event, lots of sweet Facebook birthday wishes for D today, cards and gifts from family all arriving in time, a brother's Tball game, and birthday serenades on the phone. . .what more could a guy, or his mom want.
But (is there always a "but" with me?) at the T-ball field, a great-grandfather of his youngest brother's teammate said, "Fifteen years old? Uh-oh that means you are going to be driving next year."
D processed that thought. And I said nothing, hoping to discourage further conversation along that line with my silence. It didn't work; the man persisted. D was eating it up. So finally we left the bleachers; I made a phone call to distract D, but it was too late. I saw his eyes as the man was talking. He will remember this conversation next birthday and wonder why I am not letting him have the keys. That's how D's mind works.
I am usually depressed for a week or so before D's birthday. It didn't happen this year with Disney trip, good doctor report, and all-around harmony at home. But today, even with all the wonderful things that have happened and are happening, even with all the good thoughts infiltrating my mind, I can't help but think: 15 years old, but he won't be getting his learner's permit. Am I just so used to sadness around this time, that I have to find something to fret over? I mean if we lived in Boston, it wouldn't matter at all. I didn't have a car and didn't miss it while I was a student there.
Get over it, Ginny. Let yourself be completely happy for ONE DAY!!!!
So sorry for your sorrow. But I have to say that it is completely understandable. My husband's younger brother has cerebral palsy - he is 32 now, but forever on the level of a 3 year-old. And as much as we should focus on what he can do - because physically he is miles ahead of many in his shoes - it is still so hard even now to not consider what may have been. And I'm sure for you, too. That's what we get for being human.
ReplyDeleteHappy late b-day to D!
Thanks for empathizing, Anne Katherine. I should have figured there was a reason you always know the right thing to say when I talk about my D. Thanks for reaching out and letting me know you understand.
ReplyDelete