What's Behind Pajama Day--
Friday was pajama day at our home school. We usually don't do that. My boys never enjoyed pajama day when they were attending school, and I don't really understand the premise. I am always in a better mood if I am prepared for the day, not looking like I never wanted it to start in the first place. But last Friday was different. I was tired. So very tired. I had a headache, and I simply didn't want to face the day. It was raining for the fourth day in a row, so the dreariness made it even more conducive to a day of "doing school" from the master bedroom.
We started with breakfast in bed, then did everything that I help with from the master bed. I arose only to prepare a teapot to replenish my hot tea supply. The boys, however, got dressed; they did their work online; they played outside; they ate lunch in the kitchen, but I just couldn't muster the wherewithal to leave the bed.
Was it just the weather, the beginnings of a migraine? No, that usually wouldn't stop me from couch time and working at our desks. No, this time I was recovering from worry over my middle son who had had the most spectacular rash/hives I've ever seen. We had been to the ER Wednesday night and the allergist Thursday afternoon with little to no improvement. I was worried about him, wondering about the cause, and fretting because I didn't know when he might start to improve. And thus I couldn't propel myself to get out of bed. Even when D's caregiver brought him home from school around 3:45, I buried myself deeper into the covers, hoping D wouldn't call out for me for a couple more hours anyway.
That night after Stan picked up pizza, Knox was improved. Thank goodness! What a relief! And Saturday, though it was still rainy out, I was out of bed by 5:30 AM Saturday morning--thanks to a royal wedding and a certain 21 year old who wouldn't let me sleep in.
This morning as I was getting ready for church, marveling how an ER visit and subsequent worry about Knox made me quite so drained, I noticed a spot of blood on D's white bowtie as we walked out the door to church. I frantically checked his face, his mouth, his neck, searching for the source. Then I saw he had scraped a hole in his finger with his thumbnail. I didn't want to be late, so I removed the tie and wrapped a paper towel around his finger. I knew if I took the time to get a Bandaid, we would be late.
Then I thought about how after he had crawled on top of me getting into my bed this morning, I noticed a spot of blood on Stan's side of the bed. I frantically searched D's legs and arms for the cause and found it, quickly putting Neosporin and a Bandaid on top of it before the bedspread, too, became stained. A few minutes later as I was reading my daily Bible reading, he pinched me and pulled my hair. I looked over and he had wet the bed--all the way through--somehow penetrating the waterproof mattress pad that only covers the top of the mattress. Thinking about my typical morning getting ready for church made me realize that the reason I was exhausted from worry with Knox is that I already do all that with D daily. What I was feeling for Knox for a few days is what I have felt for D for over 20 years.
D is graduating from high school. It is a milestone for him, for us. But what will his milestones be after this? He won't attend college; he won't get married; he won't father children; he won't move out of our house. This is it for the D-man. My mama was visiting recently and when my mind started to wander down that trail, she redirected me. So many of my friends have children graduating this year, my niece included, and it is a rite of passage. Such an exciting time! My friends are emotional as am I. But graduation is different for me and D. It is not an ending AND a beginning. It is more like just an ending. I don't know. I am asking God to give me a vision for His future that will change that.
This morning in church we sang the hymn, "Great Is Thy Faithfulness." When I was singing, I was thinking about how God has carried me so often on those days when I didn't feel like I could face the day. I was thinking about how He has given D a heart that loves Him, loves good music, and cheers when He hears of the love of God as he did during the homily of Prince Harry and Megan. Stan and I included "Great Is Thy Faithfulness" in our wedding ceremony. The hymn always reminds me of God's faithfulness in bringing the two (three, counting D) of us together and in His giving us Knox and Ben. But today the line "there is no shadow of turning with Thee" brought such comfort. God is FAITHFUL. His mercies are new EVERY morning. He will not leave me or forsake me. When I can't walk, He will carry me. When I can't see a way out, I can hold onto Him and He will lead the way. When I can't figure it out or fix it, He will hold me in my pain, confusion, and brokenness. He loves me no matter what. He is the Rock, cleft for me, in which I hide.
I may not be able to keep my house as clean as I would like or feed my children as nutritious meals as I would prefer or follow my home school plan as closely as I hope, or get together with friends for fellowship as often as I want or encourage my husband with kindnesses as often as I plan, but I can know this: God loves me as I am. He is faithful and He will help me follow Him. "I lift my eyes to the hills from whence comes my help? My help comes from the LORD, maker of heaven and earth" (Psalm 121:1-2). Thinking of God's faithfulness and salvation reminds me of a song I discovered when looking for something to share at our recent revival: He Will Hold Me Fast. Know this, my friends, when you're having a pajama day, when you feel that you can't or that you have failed at what you had planned, reach for Jesus, turn from doubt and self-reliance, and fall into His arms for He is faithful and He will hold you fast.
We started with breakfast in bed, then did everything that I help with from the master bed. I arose only to prepare a teapot to replenish my hot tea supply. The boys, however, got dressed; they did their work online; they played outside; they ate lunch in the kitchen, but I just couldn't muster the wherewithal to leave the bed.
Was it just the weather, the beginnings of a migraine? No, that usually wouldn't stop me from couch time and working at our desks. No, this time I was recovering from worry over my middle son who had had the most spectacular rash/hives I've ever seen. We had been to the ER Wednesday night and the allergist Thursday afternoon with little to no improvement. I was worried about him, wondering about the cause, and fretting because I didn't know when he might start to improve. And thus I couldn't propel myself to get out of bed. Even when D's caregiver brought him home from school around 3:45, I buried myself deeper into the covers, hoping D wouldn't call out for me for a couple more hours anyway.
That night after Stan picked up pizza, Knox was improved. Thank goodness! What a relief! And Saturday, though it was still rainy out, I was out of bed by 5:30 AM Saturday morning--thanks to a royal wedding and a certain 21 year old who wouldn't let me sleep in.
This morning as I was getting ready for church, marveling how an ER visit and subsequent worry about Knox made me quite so drained, I noticed a spot of blood on D's white bowtie as we walked out the door to church. I frantically checked his face, his mouth, his neck, searching for the source. Then I saw he had scraped a hole in his finger with his thumbnail. I didn't want to be late, so I removed the tie and wrapped a paper towel around his finger. I knew if I took the time to get a Bandaid, we would be late.
Then I thought about how after he had crawled on top of me getting into my bed this morning, I noticed a spot of blood on Stan's side of the bed. I frantically searched D's legs and arms for the cause and found it, quickly putting Neosporin and a Bandaid on top of it before the bedspread, too, became stained. A few minutes later as I was reading my daily Bible reading, he pinched me and pulled my hair. I looked over and he had wet the bed--all the way through--somehow penetrating the waterproof mattress pad that only covers the top of the mattress. Thinking about my typical morning getting ready for church made me realize that the reason I was exhausted from worry with Knox is that I already do all that with D daily. What I was feeling for Knox for a few days is what I have felt for D for over 20 years.
D is graduating from high school. It is a milestone for him, for us. But what will his milestones be after this? He won't attend college; he won't get married; he won't father children; he won't move out of our house. This is it for the D-man. My mama was visiting recently and when my mind started to wander down that trail, she redirected me. So many of my friends have children graduating this year, my niece included, and it is a rite of passage. Such an exciting time! My friends are emotional as am I. But graduation is different for me and D. It is not an ending AND a beginning. It is more like just an ending. I don't know. I am asking God to give me a vision for His future that will change that.
This morning in church we sang the hymn, "Great Is Thy Faithfulness." When I was singing, I was thinking about how God has carried me so often on those days when I didn't feel like I could face the day. I was thinking about how He has given D a heart that loves Him, loves good music, and cheers when He hears of the love of God as he did during the homily of Prince Harry and Megan. Stan and I included "Great Is Thy Faithfulness" in our wedding ceremony. The hymn always reminds me of God's faithfulness in bringing the two (three, counting D) of us together and in His giving us Knox and Ben. But today the line "there is no shadow of turning with Thee" brought such comfort. God is FAITHFUL. His mercies are new EVERY morning. He will not leave me or forsake me. When I can't walk, He will carry me. When I can't see a way out, I can hold onto Him and He will lead the way. When I can't figure it out or fix it, He will hold me in my pain, confusion, and brokenness. He loves me no matter what. He is the Rock, cleft for me, in which I hide.
I may not be able to keep my house as clean as I would like or feed my children as nutritious meals as I would prefer or follow my home school plan as closely as I hope, or get together with friends for fellowship as often as I want or encourage my husband with kindnesses as often as I plan, but I can know this: God loves me as I am. He is faithful and He will help me follow Him. "I lift my eyes to the hills from whence comes my help? My help comes from the LORD, maker of heaven and earth" (Psalm 121:1-2). Thinking of God's faithfulness and salvation reminds me of a song I discovered when looking for something to share at our recent revival: He Will Hold Me Fast. Know this, my friends, when you're having a pajama day, when you feel that you can't or that you have failed at what you had planned, reach for Jesus, turn from doubt and self-reliance, and fall into His arms for He is faithful and He will hold you fast.
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